5 Things That Will Happen When You Become Better at Forgiving Yourself
Why Being Kinder to Yourself Will Change Your Self-Esteem
If you become better at forgiving yourself, how you view yourself and the way you relate to others will change.
Everyone makes mistakes. We often judge ourselves harshly for things we should not have done or said. Having the expectation we will not make mistakes can often lead to self-criticism, which does not serve us.
1-Minute Summary Video
The Costs of Not Forgiving Yourself
If you do not become better at forgiving yourself, the costs include:
- Generating unproductive emotions, which can include shame, guilt or remorse.
- Letting what happened in the past influence future actions.
- Having low self-confidence.
- Reluctance to take risks.
- Difficulty in relating or identifying with others.
While taking responsibility for mistakes we have made, and feeling regret or guilt is a positive quality, hanging onto unhealthy emotions can have a detrimental effect.
It’s also important to know self-forgiveness should not reduce our ability to have empathy for those affected by our actions. When we make mistakes, we always need to own up to them.
Most people criticise themselves more than what others do, therefore learning to be kinder to yourself will improve your self-esteem.
Before I invested in personal development courses and trainings, I often judged myself for things I did or said to others. I found it difficult to forgive myself and let go of what happened.
Once in a workshop, a participant shared a story of how he learned to become better at forgiving himself. He revealed one question had changed how he dealt with mistakes he made.
The question was, “Would you be friend’s with someone who treated you the same way you treat yourself?”
When I reflected on that question, my answer was no. I treated myself worse than what others did.
As I practiced self-forgiveness more, the amount of self-criticism and self-judgment gradually decreased. When I combined self-forgiveness with releasing techniques, it got easier to forgive myself.
This is still a work-in-progress, as I strive to be the best I can be. When I make mistakes, I don’t allow myself to relive what happened repeatedly, which makes it easier to let go of what I did.
5 Things You Can Expect to Happen When You Become Better at Forgiving Yourself
Here are five things that will happen when you become better at forgiving yourself, which will help you be kinder to yourself and enhance your self-esteem.
- Your self-talk will change. What you say to yourself affects what you do and how you communicate. If you become better at forgiving yourself, how you talk to yourself will improve, which means you will also be kinder to others.
- You will raise your personal standards. When you make mistakes, it affects you because you know you have let yourself down. The benefit is your mistakes will cause you to look at what you do and how you do things. They will cause you to examine how you conduct yourself. This will help you raise your standards, which means you will change how you do things.
- You will be more mindful of your actions or the words you use. As you develop the habit of examining your behaviour, you will pay more attention to how you communicate. This can help you choose your words carefully. This means you will think before you speak, which will cause you to act well.
- You will develop patience. We can act out of character when something we expect to happen does not, or we’re in a rush to get something. When you reflect on events where you could have acted differently, you will learn the importance of being patient. Instant gratification will not dictate your emotional state.
- You will improve your mental health. Self-judgment or self-criticism will not support good mental health. Practicing self-forgiveness will help you process your emotions, which means you will reduce the risk of suffering anxiety or depression. This will help with having better mental health.
Tips for Forgiving Yourself
Self-forgiveness is an ongoing practice. Here are a few things that will help you become better at forgiving yourself.
- Acknowledge what you have done that you know you should not have.
- Pay attention to your emotions and self-talk, without judging them.
- Extract lessons from the experience.
- Identify what you would advise someone you cared about if they had experienced something similar.
- Let go of emotions that will not cause intelligent actions.
- Define the outcome you would have liked.
- Determine the actions you can take next.
- Visualize how you will deal with a similar situation again.
- Commit to do better because of this experience.
- Get another perspective by talking it out with someone.
Final Thoughts
If you can remember you are doing your best with the awareness, knowledge, skills, or resources you have, you will become better at forgiving yourself.
Self-forgiveness is an act of self-love, which is essential for you to become the best you can be. When you become better at forgiving yourself, you will also find it easier to forgive others.
Action Step: If you’ve had an experience which you know you should have done better, or if you are holding onto something you did that you regret, practice these ideas so you can forgive yourself. Form the habit of forgiving yourself instead of hanging onto emotions that will not help you.
Question: What are other things that will happen when you become better at forgiving yourself?
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